Alright so we kick off tonight with a retread on Simon’s eye roll from last night. Seriously y’all, it’s like Eye Rollgate. We even have synced up Zapruder-like tape to prove that Simon’s eye roll was in response to a judges’ table conversation and he wasn’t even paying attention to Chris Richardson’s VaTech shout-out. That’s fine. The video is proof enough. However, I still will never be convinced that a producer didn’t set a new land speed record getting his ass to the judges table and making sure that Simon gave his own garbled, inarticulate well-wishes to VaTech before the show ended last night. And that is all I have to say about that.
Real quick, cause I’ve had a ridiculous night and I’m writing this at 6 am having just gotten home:
>>Fergie performs. WTF? Was she just hanging out in the Idol basement with Akon and Gwen Stefani? I kind of like the idea of Ryan Seacrest using blow darts and horse tranquilizer to capture pop stars and then hold them hostage in the Idol basement, so that they may trot them out on nights when they need to fill an hour-long results show. Fergie’s performance? Well, she looks great. I know, I know, Butterface Fergie. But I think she’s pretty. The performance is not that great, though.
>>Martina McBride performs and while I don’t love the song she sings, I still would give any major appendage to be able to sing like that
>>The Buy a Ford Music Video sucks, just like most weeks. Bring back the trip to the laundromat!
>>Ryan goes back to the Farmer’s Market and it is still stupid.
On to the results! WOO! Ryan makes two groups of 3 people each: Phil, Jordin and Chris R and Lakisha, Blake and Sanjaya. One is the high group, one is the low group. Melinda is in the middle and is safe and Ryan tries to get her to pick a group to join but she won’t do it. Just like every other year when they pull this “funny” trick. Ryan sends her to join Phil, Jordin and Chris R. Here’s how I feel about this: Chris R should have totally been in the bottom 3 instead of Blake. Phil has been less than impressive the entire time, but in all fairness I liked his country week, so good on him.
Blake is sent back to safety and I actually wonder if it’s the time of the season for loving. Wait, no. The Zombies were during British Invasion. I wonder if it is the time of the season when the large black girl goes home early. That seems to happen on this show. BUT NO! My prayers are finally answered; I can stop bathing in the blood of Quad squirrels and lighting incense. SANJAYA IS GOING HOME!
He cries a little, but that’s probably just the relief that he doesn’t have to be American Idol’s dancing monkey anymore. That’s pretty much it. Peace out, everybody. I cannot wait until next week because we’re actually down to a Final 6 that is pretty talented, give or take the genre.
