Typically at this stage in the game, the women outshine the men. I certainly hope they are at least less “BLAH” than last night. Seacrest let’s us know that the flu has hit the Top 24. I guess one of the “chosen” girls is sick, so they’re preemptively making an excuse for her. The girls are intro’d and there are many cutsy-poo waves and kisses blown. Barf.
Randy says the guys brought it last night, so the girls are gonna have to be good. Puhlease. A few of those girls could come out and take a giant dump onstage and still be more entertaining than some of those clowns. We get another stupid recap of their “journey” to get here and then we take a friggin’ commercial.
We kick things off with Kristy Lee Cook, #1 of the can’t-tell-the-difference-between-them blonde waifs. She’s 24 years old, from Oregon and sold her prize horse to go to Philly for Idol tryouts. All together now: awwwwww. [gag]. She sings “Rescue Me” and she’s got decent tone to her voice, but this song stays very middle-of-the-road, so I’m pretty bored. Also, this makes me think of the “raise money for the church” montage of “Sister Act.” Where are Whoopi and Kathy Nijimy doing double-dutch? They show the guys in the background and they look like they’re fighting to stay awake. That was dull-but-pretty karaoke. B- for Kristy. Paula drops the “being sick” bomb, which is just gross. SHUT UP about the flu. Simon nails it by saying that that song is for a belter and that the performance was robotic, which it was. Maybe her action ran down, like Tic-Toc. Ryan gives her props for the “strength” and says that some girls were barely able to walk to the stage to rehearse. GAG ME WITH A SPOON. If I have to spend 2 hours hearing about how these girls are “sick,” I’m going to be sick.
Joanne Borghella is next. She’s 25, from New Jersey and is the Token Big Black girl. She sings “Say a Little Prayer for You” and I’m so disappointed Rupert Everett is not here wearing foam lobster claws to back her up. She’s trying very hard to be a belter, but her voice is kind of thin. This is good but not awesome. Also, she seems to have the same feet-stuck-to-the-floor syndrome as some of the guys had last night. She tries to have a big last note and it’s pretty sharp. Not bad, though. The judges didn’t love it. The audience tries to show their indignation by giving some lame, producer-induced “boos.” Joanne gets a B.
Alaina Whitaker, the 2nd indistinguishable blonde waif is the youngest Idol. She’s 16 and from Oklahoma and is kind of the Poor Man’s Carrie Underwood. She sings “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday” and it starts off all slow just like Chikezie’s version. Blech. Thank God that when the tempo picks up it actually sounds like the original, very bouncy and peppy. This girl has got some pipes, I’m enjoying this. She needs to loosen up a bit; she looks very stiff and her feet are stuck in place. I’m starting to think the Idol stage has the texture of a movie theatre floor. The judges rightly congratulate her because that was good. I wasn’t blown away, though, so Alaina gets a B+.
Next is our “rocker” nurse, Amanda Overmyer. I really like this girl, with her legitimately southern rock growly voice, but she’s gonna have to be careful that she doesn’t get monotonous. She’s 23 and is from Indiana and she just seems fun. She interviews that her car got totaled by a semi and that her family jokes that if a semi can’t take her down, nothing can. Heh heh. She says that she doesn’t want to get pigeon-holed as a Janis impersonator, so no more Janis for her. She sings “Baby Please Don’t Go,” which is a BOLD choice. She starts off scatting and the electric guitar is going crazy. She’s getting a little swallowed up by the band, which is too bad. I really want to see her blow this up, because so far it’s pretty weak. I…do not know how to feel about that. I think that could’ve been SO much better if the band had backed off a little and we could’ve heard her better. Tweedle Dee and Dum loved it. Simon likes her but he didn’t love the song.
Next up is 25 year-old grad student Amy Davis, who auditioned with a great “Blue Bayou.” She’s a little scary-looking, to be honest. She looks a little like the teacher in “Teacher’s Pet.” Eeek. She sings “Where the Boys Are,” which is a song I love but I really only want to hear Connie Francis or Kimberly Locke sing this song. Amy has got some BIG swoops going on in this song, which Connie Francis could pull off and Amy cannot. This song is too high for her. She has a low, smoky voice and this is too high in her register. I wonder if she’s sick, because that was pretty rough. B- for Amy. Randy cites the scooping (I call it swooping) and says that people like Patsy Cline can do that, which is true. Paula falls back on “but at least you’re pretty,” which is lame. She also calls it lackluster. Simon agrees and says she’ll struggle to stay here. I agree with Simon. She hasn’t been pimped out enough and that wasn’t good enough to keep her here.
Brooke White, 24 year-old nanny, 3rd indistinguishable waif, and resident “good girl virgin,” is up next and sings “Happy Together” and I much prefer her version to the rocker version from last night. You know, hearing her voice I really wish she could’ve whipped out some Jefferson Starship. This is boring as fuck. She “ba ba bahs” for about 10 minutes and I fall asleep. Meh. B for Brooke. The judges liked it but didn’t love it, which is the same critique you could’ve given like 15 of these 24 people. BLAH! They keep comparing her to a smiley 50s commercial, which is fair. Haha.
Alexandrea Lushington is up next and I really liked her initial audition. She did “My Funny Valentine” and it was awesome. She’s only 17, holy shit! Wow, I forgot about that. OH MY GOD, SHE IS SINGING “SPINNING WHEEL!” I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG!!!! She also looks awesome, in this funky shirt and big black pants with skinny suspenders. Man, she seems SO much older than she is. She’s bringin’ da funk and I love it. This is great. The only thing that could top off “Spinning Wheel” would be if someone sang “Crimson and Clover.” Randy rightly praises her, I loved that. Simon says he didn’t get it, which is lame. I don’t understand what he has against her and for once the audience’s boos seem genuine. Yeah, he sucks. A- is for Alexandrea. It wasn’t WOO-WOO A-caliber, but it was darn good.
4th indistinguishable blonde waif Kady Malloy is next. She’s 18, from Houston and does a pretty good Britney Spears impression, which is hilarious. She sings “Groovy Kind of Love” and she’s a damn-sight better than Phil Collins. She’s also rocking the Anthony Fedorov ™ stool, until she stands up like she’s really going to blow us away and then she…doesn’t. Vocally, this is solid but I’m still kind of bored. She also TOTALLY flubs one of her little Christian-Aguilera-runs. Ugh. You DO NOT have to put a run every 3rd note. Just sing the goddamn song. That wasn’t great, B for Kady. Randy agrees with me that she stood up and he expected something BIG and then…nothing. Paula says it was boring and they want to see personality and Simon agrees only he’s much snarkier about it. Heh heh. Yep. She tries not to cry, which is kind of gross. Suck it up, blondie.
Asia’h Epperson is up next. She’s 19, from Missouri and she’s the girl who lost her dad right before her audition, which is incredibly sad but seriously STOP telling us about it. She sings “Take Another Little Piece of My Heart” but she does it like a Gladys-Knight-slow-jam version instead of a screechy-Janis-Joplin version. I like it, this is decent. The 3 backup singers are hilariously going “BREAK IT!” on the chorus, hahah. I will say that she gets a little repetitive with doing the chorus twice in a row, but I’ll chock that up to the fact that they have a very short amount of time in which to sing. Randy and Paula think it was good and very fun. Simon says best of the night. I wouldn’t go that far b/c I liked “Spinning Wheel” and Simon did not, but it was definitely right up there. A- for Asia’h.
Jasmine Trias 2: Electric But Talented Boogaloo Ramiele Malubay is up next. She’s 20, is from Florida and has a huge voice. She sings “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” and I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG. It’s so dramatic and Ramiele really plays that up. Plus, her voice sounds awesome. Very smooth. The verse is really quiet, so I can’t wait to hear her blow it up on the keychange. AND THEN SHE TOTALLY DOES. She changes up some notes and really does a nice job. A- for Ramiele. Randy loved the build-up to the keychange and praises her sticking to the melody and not using too many runs, which is a critique A LOT of singers could use. Paula loved it too. Simon starts off by saying that he initially didn’t like her, but tonight she out-sung everybody, which is totally true.
Hilariously, Ryan talkes to Syesha on the couch and she is sitting with her legs under her, so she’s like a FOOT taller than him. She looks like Gulliver and he looks like a wee little man. They almost don’t fit in the shot together, haha! Syesha is 21, from Florida and is an actress there. Hmmm. What does THAT mean? (coughporncough). Kidding. She sings “Tobacco Road,” which is an interesting choice. Ooooh! When she sings the “in the middle of Tobacco Road” and goes all low and throaty, it sounds awesome! Gives me goosebumps. She’s back to the “I can’t move my feet” problem, which is annoying. But the vocals are great. She has a HUGE last note. That was incredible, barring a couple little pitch hiccups. Randy says essentially the same thing. Maybe Randy’s my new boyfriend instead of Simon, we’ve been very in sync tonight. WHOA! They show a shot of “Syesha’s friend” in the audience and he is HOT. H-O-T. Whoa mama. Show him again! Simon loved her. Love all around for Syesha.
Last up tonight is the Irish “chosen one” Carly Smithson. I like this girl, but I’m not quite drinkin’ the Kool Aid yet. She is 24 and owns a tattoo shop in San Diego. She immediately cops to having a record when she was 15, but that the record company folded and she got left out. It’s good she was upfront about that. She sings…something I don’t recognize. What song is this? Ah, it’s “Shadow of Your Smile.” The notes are all over the place and she does a nice job, but it doesn’t blow me away. Randy immediately breaks up with me by saying she’s the best of the 2 days. God, can they pimp this girl ANY MORE?!?! She does say that being sick is not an excuse, which is nice. Paula slathers all over her too, but Simon makes up with me because he didn’t love it. He’s right.
Recap: Kristy being blondie boring and creeping me out with her crazy eyes, Joanne being the Big Black Girl but not singing like the Big Black Girl, Alaina sounding light-years older than 16, Amanda doing her scatting thing and being SO WRONG for this competition, Amy swooping around so much I worry that she might swoop out a lung, Brooke being blondie boring #2 while Jim Varney spins in his grave AGAIN, Alexandrea ROCKING Spinning Wheel, which is what Amanda should’ve sung maybe, Kady being blondie boring #3, Asia’h taking a piece of my heart (in a good way), Ramiele being so smooth and rocking the keychange, Syesha being growly and kickass on Tobacco Road, and Carly kind of shitting the bed considering how pimped she’s been.
Best of the night? Alaina, Alexandrea, Asia’h, Ramiele and Syesha. Very well done. Who’s in trouble? Definitely Amy Davis, she’s gone. The other one? I’m hoping one of the Boring Blondes, but I fear due to her weird song choice that Amanda is in trouble.
