We kick it off with Seacrest being all dramatic about someone going home and there’s a weird moment where he tells Jason C to stop grinning. Maybe he was kidding, but you can kinda tell if the Idols aren’t doing exactly what Seacrest wants he will not hesitate to cut a bitch.
We give a little shout-out to the song writing competition, complete with beautiful Jordin singing that stupid song “This is My Now” from last year. Then we do the group sing, which might be my favorite part of anything ever. They start with “Get Right Back to Where We Started From” with some very Brady Bunch choreography. Michael and Jason dork around like big goobers and it’s awesome. Chikezie is delighting in the cheese, while Jason sways around like he’s drunk and THEN…THEN Michael and David Cook do a chest-bump and I start cackling right out loud. This rules everything. Brooke is wearing an awesome vest with teal pants and looks fucking adorable. Kristy looks like someone threw up on her shirt, so she’s sticking with the County Fair vibe. In the final tableau, they are in couples with the girls standing up and the guys posing at their feet. The couples are Kristy and David Archuleta, which: yeah. Carly and Chikezie, who almost fall over. Syesha and David C, who look like they are taking a goddamn engagement photo. Ramiele sitting on Jason Castro’s knee and I suddenly want to hurt her. And then Brooke hitting her pose and Michael grabbing onto her leg for dear life and making a hilarious face and Brooke laughing at him. What a fucking delightful group sing.
We now pimp iTunes, showing the kids in teh studio which lets them record longer versions of their songs. The fact that they also get to not use their crappy live performances goes unsaid. This is sort of interesting filler, but I’m disappointed we don’t get to see them all together, with headphones on and one hand on their ears like when celebrities record big schmoopy anthems.
Now we see a video montage of last night because for some reason we need to have an hour-long results show. And then Ryan has a little poem with “and there’s a whole lot on the line, as 10 goes to 9.” Shit, he’s like Agatha Christie over there. We get to some results now. Chikezie is brought out first and I am kind of surprised he’s bottom 3. Wow. Brooke is safe because she’s a ball of sunshine sent here to be a magical key for Buffy to protect. Weirdly, Ryan is asking the audience what they think. It’s very “crucify him! crucify him!” Brooke is safe. Carly comes out and gets to deny that she’s pregnant (WHAT?) and then says that the “spanks” she was waering to make herself “look a bit thinner” were making her uncomfortable last night. Heh. She bounds over to the Safety Zone and gives Brooke a big ol’ hug. I love it when they look like they’re friends, I want those two to come to my Reality House.
Yes, Ford Commercial. It’s to “I Want You To Want Me” and everybody awesomely sings from something in a music store. Michael from a t-shirt, Brooke from a CD, Syesha/Carly/Kristy from a poster, Ramiele/Jason from a shirt, Chikezie/David/David from a jacket. It’s pretty sweet. And short. Still nothing tops the freaky Circus from last year. David A is brought out and does anybody think he’s not safe? Seriously. Then David Cook is safe, which: duh. THEN Syesha is bottom 3 and Michael Johns is safe. WTF?!?!
No way were those two in the Bottom 3 last night. It was Ramiele, Kristy and probably Michael Johns or Jason Castro. They’re both cute, but they were kind of weak sauce last night. Syesha gave a beautiful performance, very controlled and pretty with a good amount of emotion. Chikezie has a smooth like molasses voice, I thought he was good too. This is lame.
OH MY GOD, GINA IS THERE SITTING WITH CONSTANTINE MAROULIS! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU CREEPER! GET AWAY FROM MY BEAUTIFUL GINA! We now do the call-in part, which is so fucking dumb. Chikezie gets a question about his love life and says he’s very single. Awww. Nicole, a 22 year-old from Ohio, asks David A a question. I was about to lambast a 22 year-old for questioning David but then it turns out to be about song choice, which is a big “phew.” We then get a 16 year-old girl asking Simon what she needs to do to take Ryan’s job and those of us who aren’t stupid suddenly wonder if they mean his hosting job or his job as Simon’s “pool boy.” Simon gets a cheeky comment in while giving Ryan the bedroom eyes. Brooke then gets a question about doing a duet and she picks John Mayer, though Ryan also suggests Paula Abdul and launches into a great little off-the-cuff “Straight Up.” The last question is whether Simon considers himself the most attractive person on the show. Heh. He says it’s not what he says, it’s what other people say. Nice.
We now gt a Kimberly Locke montage! She’s so beautiful and has an amazing voice. Unfortunately her CD was awful because what makes her so great is her beautiful, smooth voice and the album was totally over-produced. Seriously, it had too much guitar and percussion and her talent got totally overshadowed. Blech. We also see her restaurant in Manhattan (…huh) and how she’s lost so much weight, which is awesome for her. I wonder what she’ll sing! EEEE! Her song is “Fall” and she looks beautiful in a long dress that inexplicably has a strip of leather down the front? WTF is that? Her whip? Vocally, she has this fucking awesome smooth vibe going on, her low notes are gorgeous. I love her voice. She did “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” back before Katharine McPhee was even a blip on the American Idol radar. This song isn’t grabbing me lyrically, but I just love her voice. It’s so controlled and pretty, the key change is great. Total goosebump moment. She’s so emotional, I love that. Nicely done, Kimberly.
We’re back with a promo for Idol Gives Back and somehow Brad Pitt gets lumped in with Daughtry and Miley Cyrus. Yeesh. We then get another Montage o’ Giving. My god, that show was TWO GODDAMN HOURS last year, do we really need to relive it? I mean, it’s a great cause and they raised a lot of money but still.
We now bring Ramiele out and Ryan asks her how she’s doing and when she listlessly says “I’m alright,” Ryan goes, “Okay…good sell.” Snerk. I bet Seacrest is kind of fun to hang out with and OH MY GOD RAMIELE IS SAFE!!! It’s the Jasmine Trias Hawaii contingent! Which now means either Jason or KRisty is bottom 3. Oh my god, so it’s my beautiful stoner versus the I LOVE AMERICA girl? FUCK! Of course she’s safe, which means someone I actually like is heading home tonight. That is BULLSHIT! Honestly, talent-wise? I’m not a fan of Chikezie, not as much as the other two. But he did well last night. Jason makes a cute little rambling speech about how “freaked out” he’s been all day today and he says it kind of a “I’m paranoid because I’ve had so much pot” way and it’s awesome and then HE’S SAFE! YAY!
What has two thumbs and wants to watch a grizzled old REO Speedwagon member try to remember his own songs? THIS GIRL!
Simon lambasts CHkezie’s song choice and says we shouldn’t underestimate the brains of the American public. Hmmm….despite all the evidence to the contrary I guess. CoughSanjayaCough. And then Chikezie is going home. That’s a bummer. I gotta run, though. Fantasy baseball draft. Lady Andrea out.
omg! constantine is so much prettier than gina! lol