Who will be evicted? Who will be new HOH? Who wants the worst season of this show since the first season to just get the fuck over with? Show of hands please.
We start off with a gross intro about Natalie, calling her the Beaver State Bikini Barista and Naughty Natalia within the first 10 seconds. Julie Chen also calls Chelsia James’ girlfriend. Hmmm. I don’t quite think so. The Sanctimonious Filter of Sanctimoniousness shows us the Veto meeting again. I like James because he’s one of the least gross people in the house, but he’s getting right up there. Also, Chelsia is getting a little high and mighty in calling Natalie “pathetic.” I agree that Natalie needs some help, but…people in Big Brother Houses shouldn’t throw stones, ya know?
James and Chelsia get all schmoopy about the situation while the plinky strains of “twu wove” play. They smooch and then some crazy-ass Alice in Wonderland music plays while Natalie does impressions of her annoying friends adn Chelsia tries not to rip out her lip piercing and stab Natalie with it. We then get a Montage o’ Stupid, with clips of Natalie being ridiculous and Chelsia staring daggers at her. Man, I would love to see Chelsia just snap the fuck off and kill Natalie. Heh heh. In lieu of killing Natalie, Chelsia smashes her Easter eggs. It’s fairly hilarious. Sheila calls it “cruelty.” Oh please. Wow, watching Chelsia’s meltdown is pretty fucking sweet. Sharon recognizes that this is her time to sit in bed, read the Bible and lay low. Chelsia keeps fucking going nuts while Natalie has her own little whispered meltdown in a bedroom, talking to herself and muttering Bible quotations. What the FUCK?
James interviews that he’s going to vote against Chelsia because she’s being a crazy bitch right now. Yikes. That’d be pretty shitty. Natalie interviews that she wants vengeance for the shit-ass Boston boy and she doesn’t like Chelsia’s mouth. Sheila thinks Chelsia is a “gossip monger” and has a bad attitude. Wow…this from the woman who spent the entire first two weeks acting like her “soulmate” was the town child molester.
We get a stupid interview with Adam about his like of baby food, while he grins like a maniac and bugs out his eyes. The houseguests then get to watch the video of their wakeup from Evel Dick and Sheila says that Evel Dick is her kind of guy. Gross. That is SO gross on so many levels. This leads us into a Montage o’ Baller, which involves watching Adam preen around with his beer belly and creepy face. Seriously, he is…yikes. We then cut to the family and WOW, his brother is cute. Where did that come from? Beautiful blue eyes, dimples. Geeez, what’s he up to? MORE BROTHER, PLEASE!
We have the private interview with Adam, where Julie asks him about Sheila. Moonlighting, I’m telling you. Nothing else exciting happens. Let’s get on with it. The nominees get their chance to say a little something and the way they’ve edited this, I don’t think Chelsia stands a chance. Bummer. She goes on kind of a scary diatribe about not losing her dignity, not becoming materialistic, and not breastfeeding off anyone, which makes everyone giggle. Haha. Natalie gives a total psycho face when she votes for Chelsia. Even James votes to evict her. He couldn’t even throw her a pity vote? In a final vote of 5-0, Chelsia is leaving. On her way out, she tells Adam to get a backbone, she tells Sheila that she’s been rode hard and will be put away wet, she tells Natalie to get an education because she needs one and then she tries to wiggle away from James as he tries to smooch her. Interesting. After she’s gone, Sheila says “real mature.” Again…glass houses Sheila. She and Natalie are just sure it’s because Chelsia’s jealous of them…somehow, I don’t think so.
In Chelsia’s goodbye message, Natalie says she’ll be praying for her and Chelsia snorts and crosses herself. Thatta girl. James tells her that he wants to see her outside the house and that she’s worth more than $500,000. She’s crying. Awww. Though I’m not sure why she was wiggling and squirming to get away from hi s smoochies.
Now we get the new HOH competition. In the backyard they will answer questions trying to guess how America has voted regarding questions about the houseguests and becoming president. Dear lord, NOT from Julie Chen’s lips to God’s ears. They are blindfolded and in a red, white and blue-decorated lane. I shall not be recapping thsi whole thing, except to say that America thinks Natalie would give a better speech than Josh. WTF? Natalie wins, which is just…geez. Well, say hello to the block James and Joshuah. Also, after her win she flutters her hand and cries like a goddamn beauty queen. I really hate her. Bring on Idol, Lady Andrea out.
If you really want to see Chelsia ripping on Natalie you need to check out some of the footage that was not shown on the air. “Youtube” has piles of it. I laughed at the start but it got a little out of hand.