American Idol: Dance 10, Looks 3

I truly cannot express how much I am looking forward to Andrew Lloyd Webber week.  1) I love musicals and 2) this promises to be a total goddamn sh!tshow trainwreck.  AWESOME.  Seacrest reminds us that today is Earth Day and that Idol is using Green Power at the finale.  So…the booted idols have to run on treadmills to give power to the ridiculous light and sound show?  Perfect.  Also, here’s what I predict:  David C does the Rocker version of “Music of the Night.”  Syesha does “Memory” from Cats.  Jason does something from Joseph.  Brooke does “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” or “Love Changes Everything.”  David A does something from Jesus Christ Superstar and I throw up.  Carly does something weird from Starlight Express.

We get an ALW montage and then they show the Idols going to the Vegas theatre where Phantom plays (which I REALLY want to see someday, btw).  We now blahblah with the judges for a bit and they fellate ALW about the difficulty level.  (Really?  I’ve sung a lot of ALW and it’s not THAT hard.  It’s not Mariah Carey week.)  Simon says they have to be memorable and contemporary.  Well, good thing you gave them the music of a dude who was relevant 20 years ago.

Syesha is first and sings “One Rock n Roll Too Many.”  Interesting.  I’m surprised she isn’t doing the belter song Memory.  But I did figure somebody would pick Starlight Express.  Syesha starts out in silhouette with a snapping finger and she’s very Lena Horne tonight.  She’s up on a stage in a red slinky dress with slicked down Supremes hair.  Vocally, this is a great song for her.  What a great choice.  She sinks down to the group and then climbs off the piano.  The low stuff sounds beautiful.  I really like Syesha’s voice when she isn’t shouting.  She gets a dance partner…WTF?  Some dude with a fedora just wandered out of the audience or something?  SECURITY!  BLOW-DART HIM!  The key change is a little rough, but she recovers and has a very sassy and big ending.  Way to showcase your fun side.  Very good.  A- for Syesha. Randy says she could be a huge Broadway star, best performance to date.  Paula says this is Syesha’s “happy place.”  Again:  midget, Nana on a slot machine, and Julie Bowen?  Simon makes the Fabulous Baker Boys reference and says it was one of the strongest so far for her.

Turns out the fedora-wearing random dance partner was Ricky Miner, the bandleader.  Huh.  Why wasn’t he leading the band?

Jason is singing “Memory.”  Wow.  Huh.  I knew somebody would do this one, but he would’ve been my LAST guess.  David Cook doing a Rocker Memory would’ve been my guess before Jason.  Huh.  This will either be awesome or a complete and utter mess.  Personally, I don’t think he has the oomph behind his voice to do it justice.  ALW is totally offended by Jason’s whole persona, which is hilarious.  He’s going to roll over in his grave tonight.  Jason rocks the Anthony Fedorov Stool ™ and starts off in the middle of the song, which makes sense so that he can get to the bridge and big finish.  I don’t like it right off the bat.  It’s very breathy and unsupported.  I normally like Jason’s breathy style but this song is too big for him.  I think he just plunked his finger down in the ALW songbook.  He gets to the big moment (”TOUCH ME!  IT’S SO EASY TO LEAVE ME!”) and it totally has no power behind it.  What a boring, milquetoast song.  Seriously, that was terrible.  C+ for Jason. Randy doesn’t know what to say.  He uses “trainwreck,” which is totally fair.  It was the complete WRONG song for Jason.  Paula very coherently says this song is for a female power-balladeer.  Wow, Paula.  She praises him trying to do his thing, but knows it wasn’t the right choice.  Simon compares it to a mom and dad forcing a kid to sing at a wedding, which…if you think about it…is EXACTLY what American Idol is.  This isn’t Jason’s style and he was forced to sing it.  I think he could’ve chosen a MUCH better song, though.

Brooke is doing “You Must Love Me.”  Well, I got the “love” idea right.  ALW tells us that Brooke had no idea what she was singing about, so he had to tell her the backstory and then she had a That’s It moment.  Hmmm.  Could be awesome.  She starts the song and has to start over.  Wow.  Is she crying?  She is totally trying SO hard not to cry.  That’s…cool, but weird.  She’s on the Anthony Fedorov Stool ™ and is wearing a dress made from the drapes, but she sounds very good even with her voice shaking.  She does keep doing this weird-ass head bob thing, which needs to stop.  She’s not a bird.  During the big ending, she stands up and then finally blows a song out for us, then brings it down.  Wow, either that was a total trainwreck or that was a very touching, emotional performance.  I’m going with touching.  B+ for Brooke.  Randy says not great, but at least she listened to ALW in her mentoring session.  Paula says “you must never start and stop.”  Um, that’s not what you said a few weeks ago when you praised her professionalism when she did that.  But drunk-ass Paula can’t remember back that far, of course.  It’s all just a haze of sparkly shirts and booze.  Simon thinks it was strained and tense because she couldn’t remember the words.  Hmmm.  I thought she was just in the feel of the song.  Interesting.

I think she’s still safe, she’ll get a huge sympathy vote this week.  She says she lost the lyric and Simon says that starting over was fine.  Man, we are running out of time for me to hear Phantom stuff.  David Cook better come through.

We now have David A and boy I can’t wait to see which “Love Jesus” song he sings.  Maybe he’ll do “This Jesus Must Die” or “Damned for All Time.”  Either one would RULE.  Ryan interviews David and lets a bunch of teenyboppers come up and hug him.  AND THEN we find out that David is doing “Think of Me” from Phantom. Oh my god.  And he’s fucking with the arrangement.  David!  DAMMIT, NO!  ALW tells David to stop singing with his eyes closed, which:  DUH.  It starts off with some very “More Than Words” acoustic guitar and then…I immediately hate it.  I’m sorry, I know David is a great singer but…I hate this version.  It’s setting my teeth on edge.  This is not how it goes!  It’s my Phantom bias, but I am not ashamed.  Vocally, this is pretty middling until the end when he finally opens it up, but he’s still making it sound like a goddamn pop ballad and it’s SUPPOSED to be the big aria in an opera.  Blech.  He has two very nice, clear last couple notes.  But then he adds this stupid-ass tag on the end where he kind of futzes around and it totally ruins his big clear notes.  Unnecessary.  I’m sure objectively it was good, but I didn’t like it.  The boys are choosing WRONGLY tonight.  Randy praises the Stevie Wonderness of it and I barf.  Paula says perfect and I barf some more.  GOD!  GROSS!  B- for David. Simon says pleasant but weak.

Gross old man in the audience.  Oh.  Is that Tommy Lee?

Carly is next, which means David Cook is last and it better fucking be either the Phantom theme or Music of the Night.  I want him to do a creepy-ass Music of the Night that makes my skin crawl and rocks my face off.

So Carly Go Bragh is doing “All I Ask of You.”  Huh.  ALW says this is not the song for a girl who can belt, so he tells her to sing “Superstar.”  Nice.  I love it so much better.  So she changes to “Superstar” and it pretty much rocks.  She comes strutting out in her very 70s dress and totally rocks it.  It’s like Heart does Jesus Christ Superstar.  I love this.  She looks like she’s having SO much fun, which is nice.  She’s doing her own thing on the chorus separate from the melody and it sounds awesome.  This might be my favorite Carly performance.  She is WAILING on this song.  She is bending this song over the kitchen counter and fucking it.  A for Carly. Best so far tonight.  Randy says the bigger voices are gonna do better on Broadway night (uh…ya think?  Jeezus Jackson.)  Paula calls it “unexpected,” which:  not really.  Simon says actually one of the best of the night.  NICE.  Boyfriend/girlfriend again.

Carly gets a shirt from the band that says “Simon Loves Me (this week).”  Haha.

David C is next and we are getting dangerously close to 9 pm.  Hmm.  That’s annoying.  There are only 6 of them.  Cook is singing “Music of the Night.”  YESYESYESYESYES!!!!  I FUCKING KNEW IT!  I am so excited for this!  Don’t blow it, Comb-over.  He starts and the low stuff on “slowLY, gentLY” are too low for him, but I understand the range of this song and how high it gets later, so I’ll allow it.  This is a ridiculously hard song to sing, so he gets some points for degree of difficulty.  He has a few pitchy moments and I really wish this was edgier.  I want darker “Music,” but he gets to the “let your soul take you where you long to BEEEEEE” and it’s pretty darn good and then he follows it up with a beautiful “only then can you belong to me.”  He can certainly channel the stalker-from-the-bowels-of-the-theatre vibe.  Brooke better watch herself.  He chooses to do a big ending instead of a soft ending and it…kind of works right up until the last lilt where he screams a little.  Randy says amazing.  Paula says fantastic.  Simon says not the best side of David, he wanted grittier and more raw, but he made the most of it.  Simon makes it sound like they don’t get to choose.  Weird.  A- for David.

Recap:  Syesha sassing and strutting, Jason breathalyzing “Memory” like he has asthma, Brooke getting a very generous recap clip, David A fucking up a song I love, Carly being AWESOME and David Cook bringing it home.

Who was the best?  Clearly Syesha, Carly and David C.  David A will be safe and if you don’t know that you haven’t been watching this show.  Brooke and Jason are in trouble and since Jason is good-looking, I’m thinking Carole King’s time has come.  Lady Andrea out.