We have to sit through some recaps of last night. Just get to the boogie board challenge! I’m on pins n needles about who won!!! Man, it sucks watching this in real time because I can’t bloop bloop through the filler. Blech.
The Chen Bot is wearing a bright yellow shirt with her power center right between the boobs. Quick, smash it and Xander and Willow won’t be vampires anymore! She tries to make it sound like last night was a surprise and that it “shocked” Sharon. Ummm…not quite.
The Waterboarding Filter of Waterboardedness takes us back to last night’s challenge. There is NO WAY Sheila hangs on through this, so I wonder which guy takes it. THe houseguests complain about how cold it was and then Sheila diary rooms that one time in Hawaii a hurricane came through and that she “almost drown-ded” and that this challenge was making her battle her biggest fear. Geezus lady.
Adam starts in with the psychological torture on Sheila and then Ryan gets in the act, telling her how close she was to being evicted. We get more shots of Sheila crying because Adam kept her in the house and how he’s her best friend and how they’re a couple and it’s pretty gross since Adam REALLY does not feel that way about Sheila. She is so needy. All the women on this show are! WTF? Sheila throws her sobbing ass into Adam’s arms, gross.
We are then shown a clip of an hour before eviction where Adam is…praying? Adam realizes that Sheila is weak and that Sharon is strong (uhhh, duh?) and that he should evict Sharon. He goes to Ryan to convince him that Sharon needs to go. Adam is totally right in that Sharon is a MUCH stronger competitor than Crazypants, but I wish they would’ve evicted Crazypants anyway. Ryan goes along with it, though and obviously Sharon went home. Sheila gives a weird-ass diary room about wanting Final Two to be her and Adam and the way she says it…does she realize that they don’t get MARRIED right after the show is over?
In the competition, the guys are taunting Sheila and she diary rooms that it’s just like in Hawaii and she thinks that if she lets go, who knows what will happen to her? Umm…you’ll slide backwards into a pool? You’re not gonna drown, you crazy freak. Finally Sheila drops. We are not told how long she went, but it did get noticeably darker outside. So she at least went for awhile. But then Adam decides to drop to win back Ryan’s trust. Man, Ryan is playing SUCH a good game. He’s like paunchy and ugly and less-smart Dr. Will.
Adam is sitting pretty and he knows it because he knows both Sheila and Ryan will take him to the Final Two. Haha. I hope his ass goes home. Round 2 between Adam and Sheila starts. They go into the backyard one at a time and have to get balls out of a big maze using a hamster wheel to spin the maze. Well, fuck. Sheila’s toast. I bet Adam beats her by 10 minutes. Also, the hamster wheel is the type you climb into and walk to move, so that automatically favors Adam because Sheila is so tiny. That does, in fact, prove true. Sheila has a MUCH harder time controlling the giant hamster wheel than Adam does. I shall not be recapping much of this.
The times are 33 minutes for Sheila and 15 minutes for Adam. Wow, I really underestimated how much Sheila would get her ass kicked. That sucks. Haha. Sheila passive-aggressively complains to Adam about losing and then tells her Adam’s gonna kick ass and then take her to the end. Ugh. It’s kind of sick the way she regards him. After she leaves, Adam and Ryan celebrate how they are Final Two. Though Adam will HAVE to realize at some point that he can’t win against Ryan, right? I mean…don’t be dumb. Adam says he’s gonna win the money and Ryan kind of balks at that. Ryan suddenly thinks he might have a better chance against Sheila. Personally, I think Ryan wins either way. Adam says that if he wins HOH he “don’t even know what [he's] doin!” Truer words were never spoke.
Julie does some inane “bantering” with the houseguests and then commercial. Back from commercial we go to the jury house. Natalie says that whenever Natalie comes around, Matty leaves the room. Hahaha. Matt asks Josh if he seems miserable and Chelsia says, “You are since she got here.” HAHA. Wow, I bet THAT house is fun. Weirdly we dont’ see James for awhile. Did he make a break for it? Sharon comes running in and James looks pissed and Josh and Chelsia hug her but are sad. Matty starts celebrating like he gets to win the money or something. He’s so obnoxious.
They watch the DVD and Chelsia spots Adam and Ryan celebrating about their “win” and everybody sees it. Haha, that’s interesting. We take another commercial and then we FINALLY get to the last HOH competition. It’s the competition where they hear the beginning of a statement and they have to pick how each juror completed that statement. For Matt, it’s “The houseguest I wish I was nicer to was Natalie or James?” He says Natalie and they both get it right. For Chelsia, “The moment I most expect to read about in my hometown paper is that she gave up half a million for a showmance or that she told everyone off on her way out.” She said giving up half a million dollars for a showmance and they both get it wrong. For Joshuah, “The person who most deserves to win is himself or Sharon?” He says himself and Ryan gets it right. Duh. For James, “I think what will happen between me and Chelsia is bike around the world together or inevitably sink.” He says inevitably sink and they both get it right. For Natalie, it’s “Best shomance is her and Matty or James and Chelsia.” She says James and Chelsia. WOW. That is SURPRISING. Sharon says “The biggest lie she told in the house is that her back caused her to fall out of the glass house or that she never told a lie in the house.” I bet it’s never told a lie. But nope, it’s her back. But they both get it wrong and Ryan wins HOH. Hmmm. He’ll probably keep Adam. Lame.
We go to the live eviction and man, I am so tense right now. Who will it be? WHO WILL IT BE?!?! Adam gives his “keep me” speech and it’s total gibberish. Sheila cries. So they’re both pretty par for the course. And Sheila needs to be smacked. Hard. Ryan says they are both deserving for different reasons. He cites outside the house for Sheila but inside the house for Adam. Ryan votes to evict Sheila and she cries some more. Adam claps Ryan on the back, like…dude! Wait until she’s gone or something!
I hope Ryan wins. I can’t stand Adam. And I never got my Moonlighting moment. Sonuvabitch. The boys celebrate adn then Ryan pretty hilariously says, “We both kinda bombed that comp though, huh?” Heh. Yes, yes you did.
Sheila’s exit interview is dumb and boring. Right up until Julie asks Sheila if “what she learned” is more valuable than the money she could’ve won. OH MY GOD, JULIE! She’s a single mom! I HIGHLY doubt it. Also, did you see how “mature” Sheila was? She didn’t learn shit. Adam’s goodbye message to Sheila is surprisingly nice. Huh. When does American Idol start?
