We’re finally here. I honestly don’t really care who wins. I’m half-heartedly rooting for Ryan because he played a better game and Adam is so annoying, but I really just want this to be over. The Chen Bot welcomes us, then awkwardly high-fives the “fans” they have outside the BB house. I wonder how much they get paid to be there because there’s no way they want to be there out of their own free will.
We get a recap of the whole season that literally lasts almost 5 whole minutes. I fast-forward through it. We all lived it; no need to relive it. Julie Chen sure is chipper when she starts the show, it’s kind of scary. Is she drunk? She calls Adam a “fast-talking Jersey boy called A-baller” in a very delighted manner. Yikes. We also find out the public will be able to award our favorite juror $25000. Hmmm. We watch the jury assemble and have a staged conversation about the last jury member. Natalie thinks that if either guy won they kept Sheila and Matt asks what if Sheila won? Josh says Sheila couldn’t get herself out of a wet paper bag, so there’s no way she won. Haha.
Sheila appears and there are hugs all around. Sheila gets to recap the last competition, acting like Adam screwed her over and says that she wants to give Ryan all the money. Matt says that whoever won the most competitions and who outsmarted people is gonna get his votes, but he says Adam is that person. I disagree with that. Josh says that Adam coasted, Ryan actually won. True. Natalie points out that both of their games were good in their own way because they are Final Two and the jury is not. She also points out that Ryan had an alliance with everybody and didn’t get found out, so that’s a good game. Josh says that smooth-talker, manipulator is a good game play on Ryan’s part. I can’t believe that anyone will vote for Adam.
Now we have the Q&A portion of the night. I hate this part on both BB and Survivor, it’s dumb. Matt asks Adam what he’s going to do with the money. He says he’s going to start an after-school program (for the “retards?”) and buy himself a car, but the kids are the main reason he’s on the show. Bullshit. Ryan says he needs to help his mom, do something nice for Jen (Chelsia sticks her finger down her throat) and then he tacks on “charity” but it’s a terrible lie. Afterwards Josh says, “That was the worst answer EVER.” Yeah, Ryan maybe just blew it right there. Sharon confronts Ryan about the bull and then tells her about the last-second deal he and Adam made, saying he wanted her to stay right up until the last minute. We know that’s true, but it sounds like bullshit.
Chelsia yells at Ryan about why she should give him money just so that he can do nice things for Jen, which is legit. He says they’re gonna be together the rest of their lives and Chelsia says, “Wrong answer.” Hahaha. Josh asks Adam why they should give him the money since Ryan played a better game and won more competitions. Adam spews some crap about throwing competitions and says he lost to Ryan fair & square in the last competition and then Josh tells Adam to stop screaming at the TV screen because he needs something to be on his soap box about. James asks Adam what makes him a better competitor than Ryan and why he deserves it more than Sheila. Adam says he got dealt a “bum deal” from minute one and overcame adversity. Umm…what? What adversity did you face that no one else did? He cites his “better cause” and says he did more than just not win competitions.
Natalie asks Adam why he didn’t take her to Final 3 and he says he was respecting the wishes of HOH (Sheila at the time). That’s crap. She asks Ryan why he didn’t keep her word and why she should give him the money. He says it was a hard decision and blahblah and Natalie thanks him for the honesty. This is dumb. Sheila wants to know why Adam lied to her face about Final 2 and she says that she “carried” him and took the target off his back. Hmmm. Adam says he kept her for Final 3 and he’s turning red and screaming at her. This is ridiculous.
Ryan gets his final piece and says he never trashed anybody to further himself and that he’s fortunate to be there and he thanks them whether they vote or not. Adam says the 3 things it is based on is personal relationships, game play and what he’s going to do with the money. Well, put that way Adam wins 2-1. And he kisses some ass about wishing they could all be in Final 2.
Josh is disgusted by how “cocky and arrogant” Adam is being, which is hilarious. Everybody says they don’t know who they are voting for. Lame. Get on with it. Adam calls Sheila and Josh psychopaths once the video feed is off. Yeah, kinda. Then Julie welcomes the jury and the “fans” scream and high-five them. Chelsia is wearing a black dress the size of a dinner napkin. Josh and Matt look great, very sharp. james is in his gross pink t-shirt and gross blue pants. Natalie is in a teal dinner napkin, Sharon is in a very pretty dress, she looks great. Sheila is in a very tasteful dress too, she looks beautiful actually.
We now check in with Ryan and Adam and Julie asks them for one word to describe how they felt after the jury questions. Adam starts to blather on, but uses the word “rough,” so Julie cuts him off with that. Ryan says “nerve-wracking.” The jury now votes. Matt blathers about missing them both and says after this one of them better take him to Vegas. Haha. Natalie says she loves them and is going with her gut. Josh says he’s voting for the person who played hard and has a backbone. Sharon says she is voting for the most loyal person and then just stops speaking. It’s weird. Sheila says that after the jury questions, the decision became very easy for her. Haha. James says he hopes they party away the money. Chelsia says that she hopes what they said during the questions is what she hopes they do. I’m assuming she means she hopes Adam will actually start the after-school program.
The first 6 houseguests are now here. Amanda has some big fucking hair, yikes. Julie asks Natalie if she was playing all sides or if she was truly loyal to the boys and she says “yes” to both. Julie then asks her about Matt and gives Matt a chance to speak before Natalie sees the whole season. He just apologizes. Asshole. Jen is asked about Allison and Ryan and she says that she does not care for Allison, which is totally fair. Allison says that Jen and Ryan are great and she obviously tries to downplay her crazypants behavior now that she’s watched the season. None of the other first 6 evictees get to talk. Hell, at least on Survivor everybody gets a line or two. Lame.
Julie reveals Adam’s whispering “I voted for you” to Natalie and Ryan pretty much already knew, so there’s that “big moment” blown. We then see Josh’s fake crying to Adam and Adam doesn’t seem to care. Seriously, this is so lame.
We get to the winner and I can hardly wait for this to end. Matt’s vote is for Adam. The way Julie reads these votes is SOOO dramatic. Gross. Natalie votes for Adam. Josh votes for Ryan. Sharon votes for Adam. Sheila votes for Adam. Geez. That kinda sucks. I wouldn’t want Jen to see any of the money either, but Adam is just so annoying. Josh’s vote is the only one for Ryan, I think.
Adam comes out and they all rush to hug him. Blahblah, we’re all friends. Whatever. Julie announces that Adam won the $500,000 and that Ryan wins $50,000, which Jen kind of grossly “woos!” about. And then we reveal the favorite juror 2nd place is Sheila and the winner is James. Maybe he can stop being homeless now. Jen just tries to keep herself on camera as long as she can and Julie reminds us that on July 13th we start another season of this nonsense. They better have a better cast and a better twist this time. Lady Andrea out.
