Survivor: Finally We Get an Idol

Recap of Natalie being gross and stupid, thinking she’s all bad-ass and cool.  But Jason being just slightly more stupid and Ozzy being a Bitter Betty.

We now get footage of medical services looking at James’s finger.  Medical cleans out the wound and warns him of getting an infection.  They’re going to reexamine it the next morning and perhaps send him home for surgery.  What the hell is going on this season?!?!  Is this finally the season where someone dies?  Because that would be…not awesome.  But a little awesome.

Creepy nightvision footage of a crab.

James tells the women about his finger and Amanda is preeeetty much the only person who hopes he can stay in the game.  Not saying anybody wants him to lose his finger, but they won’t mind if he goes home.  Alexis now starts showing us a boo-boo on her knee from a fall she took.  Seriously, it looks like a scrape.  I know, I know…it could be bad but I feel like I’ve done worse to myself shaving my legs.

We now skip to a challenge (did medical look at James?  WTF?) where each person answers questions about each other and then they have to guess what the majority says.  Each correct answer they chop a rope of a fellow tribe member.  When 3 ropes are chopped, their little ceramic Idol of themselves gets smashed and they are out of teh game.  We now bring out the prizes, everybody’s relatives.  Parvati’s mom Gail, Erik’s brother Kurt (who is SO much cuter than Erik) and Erik is way proud of his beard (I’m guessing because he’s never been able to grow facial hair before) and then he’s all geekboy about Jeff Probst.  Probst calls him a freak, which:  hahaha.  Natalie’s mom Rocky is there and she shows her mom her underarm hair.  Ew!  Alexis’s brother Nathan is there.  Amanda’s sister Katrina is there, who tells Amanda she smells better than last time.  James’s dad is there and he seems kinda awesome.  Cirie’s husband is there and he is still awesome as hell with his dreadlocks and a flower behind his ear, which he gives her.  Awwww.  I hate the loved ones challenge because it makes me all sniffly for people who have been away from their families for like THREE WEEKS.  One summer I was a camp counselor and the phone service was spotty and I talked to my family TWICE in EIGHT WEEKS.  Why does this always make me cry a little?

We get started.  First question is who does the most for the tribe?  Everybody says James except James.  HAHA!  Wow.  Cirie chops Amanda, Natalie chops Erik, Erik chops Natalie, Alexis chops James, Parvati chops James, Amanda chops Parvati.

Second is who never shuts up?  Correct answer is Parvati.  Erik chops Alexis, Alexis chops Erik, James chops Alexis, and Amanda chops Cirie.

Three is who mistakenly thinks they are in control of the game?  Oooh, good one.  Everybody says Parvati, except Parvati and Alexis, which is the right answer.  James chops Parvati, Amanda chops Natalie, Erik chops Cirie, Natalie chops Amanda, Cirie chops Parvati and Parvati is out.  The giant ram smashing their ceramic Idols is awesome.

Fourth question is who is the most honest?  Correct answer is Alexis.  Huh.  Only person who was right was Cirie, so she chops Erik.  We get another shot of Erik’s brother and DAYUM is he cute.  How old is that kid?

Fifth is least likely to invite to a family dinner?  James is the correct answer.  Huh.  Must be the “eating bats” thing.  Alexis chops James and he’s done and his dad mutters, “Wait til we get home, we’re gonna talk about her.”  Hmmm.  That seems unnecessarily snotty.  James takes out Cirie.  Amanda takes out Natalie.  Cirie has one hit left and gets to basically pick the winner.  She takes out Amanda and Alexis wins the reward.  Her brother comes over and they hug again.  Awww.  She picks Cirie and her husband and Natalie and her mom to come with them.  Alexis then sends Amanda to Exile, after Amanda waves to her to ask to be chosen.  Smart move, Amanda.  For reals.  Find the Idol girlfriend.

Medical comes to look at James’s finger and again, like Jonathan, it’s just off in the woods or something.  That seems safe and sanitary.  He says it isn’t that sore and she implores him to be honest with her.  Interesting.  Jeff comes wandering over, like maybe he was just out for a walk in the woods and came across a medical examination.  The doctor says this is potentially dangerous and the doctor’s call is that it’s too big a risk.  So now James is going home.  Wow.  I cannot believe this.  Twice in one season.  And with two people who would NEVER quit the game unless forced.  Parvati gets sad and that’s legit because even if you want somebody gone you don’t want to see them go out like that.  Erik tells him to drink some beers and James says, “I can’t.  I’m gonna be on antibiotics.”  HAHA.   As James rides away on a speedboat, Erik very stoutly says, “Only man left.”  That’s….debatable.

Sidebar:  I totally facebooked Erik and therefore found his brother.  And the brother Kurt? Will be graduating HIGH SCHOOL this month.  Sigh.  I’m a dirty old woman.

We go to the reward winners swimming with the jellyfish, which is cool.  Cirie says it was a growth experience for her, teaching her not to be so afraid of nature.  That’s nice, but seriously…did you not get over that the FIRST TIME you were on Survivor?  Damn Gina!

Amanda is now Idol Hunting on Exile.  Man, if Jason JUST left yesterday those clue writers and Idol hiders really had to get on it.  This time there is quite the treasure hunt.  She has to align a small island with the Exile hut and then dig a trench.  It’s all very Goonies and the lighthouse and the dubloon.  The last clue tells her the Idol is back at camp, buried under the tribe flag.  Sweet.

Suddenly it’s nighttime and the reward peeps come back.  Parvati informs them that James is gone.  Cirie interviews that this puts them in a weird space and that they have to beat Erik at the next immunity.  The next morning Alexis says her leg is feeling bad but that she can push through.  Parvati very tactly says, “So you don’t want us to vote you out?”  Nice Parvati.  Way to be a huge bitch and draw the ire of Alexis and Natalie.  That wasn’t suspicious AT ALL.  Natalie says that Amanda needs to go after Erik and Parvati says she can’t vote against Amanda.  Um, I don’t know if that was a bright move, Parvs.  I kind of hope Amanda finds the Idol and beats all these girls.  They kind of all suck.

At the challenge Amanda is gobsmacked that James is gone.  Jeff reminds us that three people are gone for reasons other than being voted out, but I don’t enjoy lumping Chet in with James and Jonathan.  Chet quit.  He sucks.

This challenge involves using a gun kind of like at Show Biz where you shoot out the clown’s teeth.  You use it to shoot at your own bottles, of which there are 3, and once you have all yours gone you win.  Natalie connects on her first shot.  Amanda misses.  Parvati connects.  Cirie misses big time.  Erik connects.  Ya know, blahblah bottles.  Whatever.  Erik steps up to shoot for the win and all the girls exchange looks.  And then he wins!  Yay Erik!  Well done, Floppy Haired.  The girls clap and say “good job,” but they don’t mean it.  Skanks.

I hope Parvati goes home tonight.  That’d be awesome.  back from the challenge Amanda empties her bag and says she doesn’t have the Idol.  She tells them the 3rd clue was in the water and that she couldn’t get out to read it.  That is SMART of her.  SO SMART.  I hope she finds time to dig it up in camp.

It’s now apparently chicken-killin’ time.  While Erik and Natalie do that, Amanda sneaks off with Parvati and tells her the Idol is at camp, buried under the flag.  I do not think that is wise, Amanda.  Parvati wants Alexis to go, but Amanda says Natalie because she’s stronger.  Funny how Amanda doesn’t hate Alexis now that Ozzy’s gone.

Alexis and Erik powwow about voting for Amanda out since she doesn’t have the Idol.  Heh heh.  Amanda keeps eyeing the flag, but I don’t know if she’ll get a chance to dig up the Idol in the daylight.  She works on Erik, saying she’s helped keep him in the game but he feels like Amanda could beat her.  She just keeps saying, “I helped you out, I helped you out.”  It’s very whiny.  She asks for him to tell her if he’s voting for her, which is smart and Erik totally falls for it.  I can’t believe you’d EVER tell someone you are not aligned with who you are voting for.  Cirie is on-board with Natalie, Alexis and Erik, which makes sense.

Cirie tells Amanda that she’s probably voting for her because at this point if there’s a 3-3 tie, they pick rocks for who goes home.  We now see hilariously that there is a shovel left by the Tribe flag.  While everybody is in the cave, Amanda digs for the Idol because if she doesn’t find it she’s done.  Oooh, I hope she plays it and Natalie goes home.  That’d be AWESOME.

The jury comes into Tribal and James is coming in last while holding an IV.  Wow.  Amanda starts crying a little.  That really does suck.  James explains about the infection and says that as long as he has the IV he’s good.  You can just tell Probst is SO PROUD of his little “fallen hero.”  It’s kind of barfy.

Jeff asks Amanda about the Idol, but she lies about not being able to find it.  Heh.  He asks Cirie who the physical threats are and she says Erik and Amanda.  Amanda says that everybody is voting for her tonight and that the only person who is voting with her is Parvati.  She hoists the blame on Erik and says she asked for help and that she’s mad at him.  Well, that’s how the game goes you doofus.  Sometimes people don’t help you.  Natalie says that Amanda is the only unbeatable person left, in terms of jury votes.  Alexis says they told Amanda they were voting her out because they respect her.  Which I hope totally comes back to bite them in the ass.  Hahah.

They vote and then Amanda plays the Immunity Idol and Natalie looks ready to shit herself.  She reveals that she didn’t lie when she told them she didn’t have it when she said she didn’t have it.  Jason and Eliza go all nutso in the jury and Cirie looks delighted.  Natalie looks like she has absolutely swallowed her own tongue.  AWESOME!

The votes go Amanda, Amanda (Eliza, Ozzy and Jason are just going batshit over in the jury, it’s awesome), Amanda, Amanda, Alexis, and Alexis.  WOW!  They didn’t go for Natalie!!!  That’s bullshit, Natalie sucks and is so much more of a physical threat than Alexis.  Alexis is hobbling around on one leg.  That’s just a stupid use of the Immunity Idol by Amanda and Parvati.  Alexis may have gone home on her own, Natalie would’ve been a way better choice.

Now I kind of hope Natalie wins Immunity next week just to show Amanda and Parvati how dumb they are.  On the way out of Tribal, Probst has one of my favorite Probst Wisdoms ever, “You guys have perfected the art of the blindside.  That is the good news and that is the bad news.”  HAHA.  Well done, Probst.  Lady Andrea out.