Amazing Race: Military Escorts? Now yer talkin!

Previously, two legs of absolutely no consequence. Two in a row! Where no one got eliminated! The last elimination was April 8th! That is crap, Amazing Producers! So it’s FINALLY time for an elimination leg and I’m hoping for Eric/Danielle elimination because while the “annoying” factor is a wash between them and Mirna/Charla, the “snark” factor is significantly lower with Eric/Danielle.

The Beauty Queens leave the pitstop at 2:15 am and are instructed to fly to Guam and head for Anderson Air Force Base. Charla/Mirna leave at 2:50, Eric/Danielle leave at 3 am and Oswald/Danny leave at 4:30 am. There’s some hey made of the fact that the BQs get the first ferry and the top 3 teams get the first flight to Tokyo, but ultimately all the teams catch the same connection from Tokyo to Guam, so it really doesn’t matter that much. Here are the pre-Guam highlights:

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Josh Hancock, 1978-2007

The news has come out of St. Louis that sometime last night Cardinals’ right-handed reliever Josh Hancock was killed in a car accident. There aren’t many details about the crash and I personally find that unimportant because regardless of the circumstances, it’s still a tragedy.

I wanted to do a post and I was at a loss for what to write at first, because Hancock is just one of those guys in the bullpen that comes into the game, throws 10-15 pitches and leaves. You hope he gets ground-outs, you hope he doesn’t give up any runs, but that’s about it. The way LaRussa manages, you might see Hancock just come in for one out and then leave the game, so I was struggling for what to write.

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Survivor: Two Little Ineffectual Indians Left

Previously, it was the greatest episode of Survivor EVER when the Yau Man/Earl alliance got Alex to think he was in trouble, play the Idol and then voted out Edgardo. Outstanding. When they get back from Tribal, Mookie and Alex talk about how badly Dreamz double-crossed them. Stacy and Earl reassure Dreamz that the reason they switched to Edgardo at the last minute was just in case the 4 Horsement were feeding Dreamz misinformation about the location of the Idol. Dreamz was the only one who voted Mookie and he was initially pissed, but he accepts their explanation and seems fine with it. They are 6 strong and can just pick off Alex and Mookie. Stacy comments how those two will “be lucky if they get fed.” Nice, Stacy. Snotty bitch. People having power and having their hubris come back to bite them in the ass is a staple of this show, so she needs to watch herself.

Dreamz tries to convince Alex and Mookie that he didn’t double-cross them, that he got played too. That they all got “outwitted.” Strangely enough, Alex and Mookie don’t fall for it. Imagine that. Dreamz claims he didn’t know what was going on. Well, yeah, that’s probably true most of the time.

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American Idol: What. The. Fuck.

Call me naive, but the way American Idol went down last night was a complete surprise to me and I am PISSED that they made me think my beautiful Jordin was going home. Also? TWO HOURS OF TOTAL RANDOMNESS. It was like, I don’t know, a Sally Struthers’ commercial meets Blue Velvet meets the Sonny & Cher variety hour. And I will not be recapping the entire thing here, sorry kids. Here are the noteworthy things:

>>Ellen is hosting over in the Disney Concert hall and they kick things off with Earth, Wind and Fire and that kind of rules. However, I did not know at this point that Idol just blew their wad by opening with EWF.

>>There is a ton of footage of Africa and New Orleans and Kentucky and whatnot and it is all very depressing. All the judges cry, Ryan cries, I cry a little and I donate money on http://www.americanidol.com. That is all I have to say about the serious stuff.

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American Idol: Inspire This!

So, this is the Idol Gives Back week. That’s awesome. Truly, I think what they are doing is great. HOWEVER, the theme is Inspirational Songs and I immediately throw up in my mouth a little bit. I actually type, “I can’t wait to see which national tragedy Phil wants to dedicate his performance to. Three Mile Island? The Floods of ’93?” Anyway, so since there are only 6 performers, we spend a lot of the show with video of various trips by the judges and Ryan to poverty-stricken areas of Africa and the U.S. It’s sad and I pretty much fast forward through it because I can’t be funny about little children with big eyes and big toothy grins who are starving. I also find out, however, that the results show is a whopping TWO HOURS and I go, “Holy Mary mother of God, TWO HOURS? AND BONO WILL BE THERE?” *grabs the nearest sharp object, a corkscrew, and contemplates lobotomizing self. Realizes there is no giant Native American to smother me with a pillow and puts it back down*

Moving along….

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Alcohol: Why can’t I ever get what I want?

So tonight I went on a Chambourcin hunt around South Bend.  I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not exist.  I bought a bottle at the Wallace Winery in West Branch, Iowa and now I can’t find it anywhere.  It’s very disappointing.  I had to settle for a nice pinot noir, which is like going out hunting for a cute boy at the bar and ending up talking to his funny but not-cute friend.  Enjoyable, but not what you wanted.

Also, I picked up a new brand of pale ale but I couldn’t decide which kind I wanted, regular pale ale or IPA.  I’ve had one of each tonight and I’ve finally realized that I like the taste of IPA better, but the aftertaste is no good.  The regular pale ale is not as flavorful, but the aftertaste is much better.   That is all.

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Mud Volleyball, WOO!

Today was Keenan Hall’s Mud Volleyball tournament to raise money for Habitat for Humanity.  The Cavanaugh Hall Staff put together a team and it was so much fun.

 

 

 

 

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Survivor: BEST. EPISODE. EVER.

Hold on to your hats, kids. This is arguably one of the best episodes of Survivor EVER (and by “arguably” I mean “I will hear no arguments to the contrary). If you are a fan of Survivor and are reading this recap in lieu of watching the show, stop right now and go watch it on cbs.com. I’ll wait….. (the picture is how this episode made me feel).

Previously, some stuff happened. Cute Michelle is gone, Alex/Edgardo/Mookie are all kind of insufferable assholes and Yau Man and Earl are the cutest alliance since Paschal and Neleh. We open up tonight with the half of the tribe who didn’t go to tribal council talking about how it is sure to be either Stacy or Michelle who got voted out. The tribal half comes back and Mookie interviews that Dreamz really screwed them by voting off Michelle and I think he means the 4 Horsemen alliance (ew, flashback to Big Brother with Jace and creepy Cowboy). Alex also approaches MOokie about rotating the secret Idol through the 4 horsemen, a day each. It does not appear, based on later activities, that Mookie does anything of the sort, which: DUH.

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American Idol: Ding Dong the Creepy Manchild is Dead

Alright so we kick off tonight with a retread on Simon’s eye roll from last night. Seriously y’all, it’s like Eye Rollgate. We even have synced up Zapruder-like tape to prove that Simon’s eye roll was in response to a judges’ table conversation and he wasn’t even paying attention to Chris Richardson’s VaTech shout-out. That’s fine. The video is proof enough. However, I still will never be convinced that a producer didn’t set a new land speed record getting his ass to the judges table and making sure that Simon gave his own garbled, inarticulate well-wishes to VaTech before the show ended last night. And that is all I have to say about that.

Real quick, cause I’ve had a ridiculous night and I’m writing this at 6 am having just gotten home:

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American Idol: Thank God I’m a Country Girl

We open tonight with a very somber Ryan Seacrest who gives a general message that the thoughts and prayers of all who are involved at American Idol go out to the people effected by the tragedy at Virginia Tech. That’s fine. A live show that airs the day after it happened can’t very well not address it and that was tastefully done. See me in a few paragraphs for examples of the opposite of this.

Martina McBride is our guest vocal coach this week and I have to say, I’m pumped about it. Country music may not be your thing, fair readers, but you cannot deny that Martina has got talent. She has such a big, beautiful voice. I just love her. She meets with the Idols and they all sing “Independence Day” as a group, which is….kind of weird. That doesn’t really lend itself to a “group sing.” It also sounds like poop. Don’t let them get their Bad Singer Cooties on you, Martina! RUN!

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